i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
