Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
