I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
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