evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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