Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
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he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
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Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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