I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
