So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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