Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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