No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
