I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i already hear my dad disowning me
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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