You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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