He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
