Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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