He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
