I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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