smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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