Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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