the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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