The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
