walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
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