Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
