Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
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I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
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I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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