Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
