I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
50% drunk capacity currently
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
