i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
