he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
