you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
