do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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