We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
