the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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