The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
