Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
