so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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