I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
