I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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