I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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