U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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