Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
