I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
