She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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