kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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