porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
