if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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