An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
