I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i came on her dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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