Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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