you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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