Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
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