Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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