oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
