I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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