..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
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Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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