Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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