I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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